Groom's Family Wishes

Drew, my son, the journey you are about to go on with Caroline is an exploration of life in many ways, but one journey that is most important for you is an understanding of what it is to be a man. Many may feel that being a man is a mere transition from childhood to adulthood. I have found that there are many thirty-year-old boys still not understanding the depth of what a man is. Being an adult has nothing to do with being a man.

I have watched you grow into an adult, and I often considered what kind of role model I was for you. In your early years, I believed that maybe I should be more like my father and not be available – I would be an omnipotent presence in your life. I would be in the house, but not in your life. But our own lives rarely are what we envision, and to not enjoy your childhood, not read to you, play with you, walk hand-in-hand with you by the ocean was simply not possible. You and your siblings are the lights of my life and being a father has been the most important job I have ever known.

Your mother feels the same. She did not anticipate a boy as her first child, as she wanted a daughter so badly. But you were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and she doted on you from the first moment you were put in her arms. Not that you are our favorite child – no, you are all our favorites. But something about the first child, the one you make all your mistakes on and the one that grows up first, well, you are special to us.

The first time that I considered myself to be a man was at your birth. The moment I held you in my arms and I looked down at your little face I felt the weight of responsibility, and it was more than a mere 8 pounds 2 ounces. I understood that being a man is about how I take care of those whom I love. The weight of that responsibility is heavy, but I have embraced it with all my heart. 

I searched my own heart throughout your life about what kind of man I could be for you. When you were twelve, you began to pull away from your parents, and reject my wisdom and knowledge. This experience was a painful time for me, as a father, but I soon realized that I have a choice with you. I could either force my perceptions on you or I could help and support you find your path.

As much as I would have relished having you look up to me, I knew that helping you on your path would be the wiser choice – looking at you today I know that I made the right choice.

Drew, you have grown into a capable, compassion, and intelligent person. You are everything that I would hope to see in my child turned man, a good person who lives life fully, who loves his family and his friends, and receives all that love in return.

Your understanding of what a man is will change, grow, and deepen as the years pass by, similar to the love you now have for Caroline that will evolve and deepen. You and Caroline will support each other as you grow old. If I could share some wisdom with you on this special day, I would tell you that yes, a man has to be strong for his family, but also, a man sometimes must be vulnerable and sensitive for his family. It takes a powerful man to be soft, caring and nurturing for his family rather than to be an island putting distance between himself and those he loves.

Now, you and Caroline are a family. Perhaps you also struggle with what kind of man you are going to be as a husband, as a father. I know, though, that you both will be good and wise people whom your children will look up to for guidance.

I hope that your mother and I are those people for you.

We love you, Drew and Caroline, and we wish all the best for you in the years to come.